While your self-esteem may hinge on beating the
competition, self-compassion is about recognizing that you’re suffering just
like everyone else, and that you too deserve kindness.
“As humans, we respond to warmth and physical
touch, and sometimes the body responds before the mind does,” says Neff.
“A loving gesture can calm you enough to talk yourself through a bad
Referring to yourself in the second person—for
instance, “You’re allowed to be stressed, but you’re going to be
okay”—helps you step outside the situation, Neff says.
“Call yourself by a term of endearment, like Yes,
it feels weird at first. But it also evokes the sense that you’re being cared
for by a loving friend,” says Neff. And honey, nobody needs to know but