People dream big of the ‘perfect’ person they want to get married to.  Even when during courtship they see some shortcomings in the person, they carry on with the hope of ‘changing’ the person to adopting the ideal attitude to things when they get married. Funny enough, some people begin to get frustrated all too soon when they don’t see the desired change in their spouses.

This brings on the issue of what people do during the courtship period. It is assumed that courtship period should be a time for partners to understand each other. At this time, people have the opportunity to decide on what they want to live with, as they observe attitudes of their spouses.

Being bought up in different families and environments means people would have different values attached to different things. If  during courtship a person observes that  his/her spouse cares less about tidying up their rooms or worry less about putting things were they should belong, then it becomes difficult to assume that such a person would be compelled to change from that pattern during marriage.

The reality on ground is that interaction with people shows ‘old habits die hard’. If during courtship a lady loves eating out always and her spouse does not think there is a problem with it then, he should be prepared to always eat out when they are married.  The same applies to a man who loves to watch football matches with his friends. A contrary expectation may put both spouses against each other. Simply put,‘what you experience during courtship is what you live with in marital life!’

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  1. You are so damn correct Debby! Change should come before marriage and not the other way round.

    1. Yes o dearest. If a spouse decided to go ahead with marriage, not minding certain character from his/her partner, then fighting for a change may only cause pains. Best rgds Eya!

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  3. There is no perfect spouse or human being, and most will not change. Good one, Debby :)

  4. Thanks Myne. Sure, no perfect one!

  5. I have a young friend who got married last year, around September I think. I am sad to say that just early this month, he was telling me he was fed up. I was shocked. How can this be? He cannot live with her he said. I was like what has changed? Are the things she is doing new? No he said, I thought things would change he said. I am not sure if this shocked me more than the fact that he was willing to call it quits! But alas for some crazy reason people believe some magic dust will be sprinkled on their chosen one during the ceremony that would make all the 'bad stuff' go away. I was so sad. For him, for her and for the unborn child they are about to bring into the world. Yes, in the midst of it all, she is pregnant. I don't understand. What happens during the pre-marital counseling sessions these days? But then again, the counselors are not spirits, abi? How do they detect issues when people refuse to be honest with themselves. How I wish my friend had heeded his inner instincts then before the wedding. It would have been sad and hard but not as sad and hard as what is going on now!

    On point Debbie. On point!

    1. Thank you dear Salt. It is devastating to think that an innocent child will be born into this kind of situation. But like you mentioned, people dont tell the truth during courtship and I must say it is a dangerous thing to ever do.


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